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INSIGHT 31 · PAUL WELLENS

Recognise what someone is good at without giving up your own position

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A thought to pause on

You can acknowledge something good or right in the other without giving up your own standpoint.

"You do not have to make someone smaller to keep standing tall yourself."
Paul Wellens

A recognisable situation

Two advisers strongly disagree on an approach. One says: "Your concern about the timing is justified. Yet I think the proposed solution carries too much risk." By first recognising the valid point, the difference becomes clearer rather than weaker.

A question to consider

What becomes easier to discuss if you honestly acknowledge what the other does well, without letting go of your own viewpoint?

In plain words

Acknowledgement is not capitulation. You can say that someone is right on one point, has done something well, or has a comprehensible concern, while maintaining your own position.

The nuance

Do not give compliments you do not mean. Artificial acknowledgement quickly feels like a technique.

Explanation in own words at What truly moves people and the speaker's compass. Book p. 129; speaker's compass p. 33.

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GETTING STARTED

Use these questions for your own reflection or discuss them with someone you trust.

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