To the content
Notariaat Wellens
Menu
Two men talking with each other at a small table by the window.

INSIGHT 20 · PAUL WELLENS

Listen not only to words. Also listen to how they are spoken

Read more ↓

A thought to pause on

Not only words but also a change in pace, tone or silence can be a reason to ask further questions.

"Tone is not proof, but sometimes an invitation to listen more carefully."
Paul Wellens

A recognisable situation

A client talks fluently about all parts of an arrangement. On one subject he suddenly becomes quieter and gives brief answers. The professional does not conclude what that means. He simply says: "I notice this subject comes across differently. Is that correct?"

A question to consider

What could we better understand if we pause to consider that you speak differently about this subject?

In plain words

The way someone says something can be a signal that more attention is needed. The signal does not give you an answer, only a good reason to ask an open question.

The nuance

Never deduce intentions, lies or emotions from tone or silence alone. Use it only as a prompt to ask.

Explanation in own words at What truly moves people and the speaker's compass. Book p. 85; speaker's compass p. 22.

Practice this insight

Take this insight with you

Trees on the riverbank are reflected in clear water.

GETTING STARTED

Use these questions for your own reflection or discuss them with someone you trust.

Your ticks will only remain in this browser session.

Download the list (PDF)As a text file

Further reading and discussion

Back to Insights by Paul Wellens · Ask your question

YOUR NEXT STEP

What does this mean for you?

Tell us what is going on. With your questions and the documents you already have, we will together clarify what the next step can be.

Schedule your appointmentSubmit your inquiry

You choose an appointment via our booking page. You send an inquiry via your email programme.

View my preparation

Keep this for your own discussion. The office receives nothing through this button.