A recognisable situation
A client says he “principally” no longer wants to speak with his brother about the inheritance. After some questions, anger and disappointment are primarily present. Once he can say that himself, the discussion needs less to be about so-called principles.
A question to consider
What becomes calmer about your decision if you first precisely name what you feel?
In plain words
Angry, scared, sad and disappointed are not the same. If you can name the feeling more precisely, there is often some space created between what you feel and what you then do.
The nuance
This is not therapy. Naming a feeling can make a conversation clearer, but does not automatically resolve the underlying problem.
Explanation in own words at What truly moves people and the speaker's compass. Book p. 29; speaker's compass p. 8.
Practice this insight