Who cares
for whom?

That follows from the extrajudicial protection mandate, not from the fact that you are a partner or child. Check before you act whether the mandate is already usable, whether the action is permitted and whether you must act alone or jointly.

Daily payments, selling a home and executing a gift are different actions. For an extrajudicial protection mandate used for a future gift or sale of immovable property, a notarial deed is required. Patients' rights and medical representation have their own rules which must align with the extrajudicial protection mandate.

Ask your civil-law notary: “Which acts may I perform independently and when is consultation necessary?”

A power to arrange matters is not a mandate to provide all personal care yourself. Discuss what is actually expected: administration, shopping, organising appointments or daily presence.

Divide tasks according to time, distance, knowledge and capacity. Even those who want to help a lot may indicate what is not feasible.

“I will handle the administration. For personal care we need to seek help together.”

You are increasingly the first to be called. An extra errand becomes a daily task. No one agreed this way, but meanwhile almost everything rests on you.

Make visible which tasks you undertake and how much time they require. Agree calmly what you can continue to do, what someone else will take over and when professional help is needed.

“I can come three times a week. Let's find a solution for the other days.”

Illness, fear or pain can help explain behaviour. That does not remove your need for safety. Discuss changed behaviour with the GP or care providers.

In case of threat or violence, your safety comes first. Keep your distance and call emergency services if there is immediate danger. For questions about violence or disrupted caregiving, you can contact helpline 1712.

“I want to help you, but I will not stay when I feel unsafe.”

Keep gifts, reimbursement of costs and payment for services separate. Keep proof of advanced expenses and arrange compensations in advance. Do not unilaterally assign amounts to yourself.

A benefit for yourself can create a conflict of interest. Have the powers and independent representation reviewed in advance. For a gift made by the principal themselves, their free will and capacity must be established. For a gift via the mandate, the powers and conditions granted therein are decisive.

“Thank you. Let's have this reviewed separately and independently first.”

Keep the principal's money separate from your own. Keep invoices and note important decisions with date, reason and any consultation.

Follow agreements about accounting and accountability. Discuss who may receive which information and when. Transparency does not mean that every family member automatically has decision-making rights or access to all data.

“Let's record who receives information and about which decisions we consult.”

Discuss it in good time. Have the deed checked on how resignation, replacement and notification are regulated. Do not leave ongoing matters without follow-up.

If the principal can still decide, adjustments can be discussed with them. Otherwise, it must be checked whether a successor can act. Without safe succession, intervention by the justice of the peace may be necessary. Carefully transfer documents, payments and ongoing arrangements.

“I can no longer bear this responsibility alone. Who can take over and how do we arrange that carefully?”